My Favorite Person

“The world is available to us, but that may be the problem.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance: An Investigation

Something curious happened to me the other day.
A friend of mine called and asked if she could come over for drinks. I smelled blood in the water, so I cleared my schedule for a much-needed girl talk.

She told me her boyfriend was pulling away, and she was scared he was falling out of love with her. In my culture, we’re used to laughing at our own misfortunes. Lucy (not her real name) and I uncorked a bottle of wine and joked about the hazards of modern dating—until we started crying from laughter.

Somehow, we ended up asking ChatGPT if her boyfriend was pulling away.

Here’s what it had to say:

If you feel your partner is pulling away, pause and observe without panicking. Then gently bring it up—say something like, “I feel some distance between us lately. Is something going on?” Listen to their response. If they don’t open up or continue to withdraw, protect your peace. You deserve love that’s mutual, present, and intentional.

Not bad advice. But it didn’t click.

She challenged me to outsmart the AI and give her a better advice.

So… here we are.

1. How can someone talk to me for weeks and then just… ghost me?

Because they lack the courage—or the accountability—to say:
“I’m no longer interested.”
“I don’t want things to move forward.”
Or even: “I met someone else.”

Whatever the reason, let’s be clear: the days of trying to fix emotionally unavailable people are over. That’s the job of a therapist. (Who, by the way, gets paid.)

Believe me, I know how much ghosting hurts—especially when it’s a pattern. I once spent a summer chatting with someone who vanished into thin air. No explanation, no apology. Just gone.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t do anything wrong. Thank God I dodged that bullet.

Ghosting can damage your self-esteem. If it does, focus on yourself. Strengthen your boundaries. Work on your expectations. Maybe even step out of the dating scene for a bit.

2. How do I stop falling for people who give me just enough to keep me hoping?(Breadcrumbing)

I think we are calling it Breadcrumbing¹ these days. It’s when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested—but never enough to move things forward

Here’s a simple test:

If you’ve been chatting for a week and they still haven’t suggested meeting up—bring it up.
If they decline the offer without a solid reason, you’re wasting your time.

Let’s say you meet and actually hit it off. That night, you send a message:
“I’m home. Thank you for tonight—I had a great time.”

No reply? Red flag.
No reply in a week? I sincerely hope you’re already on a date with someone else.

All jokes aside, when someone genuinely likes you, they make it clear. A good sign is that getting to know them feels easy. There is no stress, no confusion, no inconsistency. You feel free to be yourself and say what’s on your mind.

One time, I had a boyfriend who taught me how to ride a bike on our second date (I was 22). I joked, “You must really enjoy my company if you’re letting me wreck your bike like this.”

He smiled and said, “I don’t just enjoy your company. I really like you. I hope that’s clear.”

3. How do I stop confusing attention with affection?

There can’t be affection without attention—but there can be attention without affection. Read that again.

Truth is: attention is the bare minimum.

Sending a text? Liking your photo on Instagram? That’s attention.

But now—planning a date? That’s effort

Calling you everyday? That’s consistency.

Asking you to be in a relationship? That’s commitment.

To answer the question: it’s not about confusing attention with affection. It’s about recognizing when attention is the only thing they’re putting on the table.
And if that’s the case?

You can absolutely do better.

4. Why does it feel like I’m just one of a dozen people they’re texting?

Because… you probably are.

These days, many people prefer to “get to know” multiple options at once.Why? Because investing time, energy and money in a failed attempt of a relationship, to watch it crash after a few months, is exhausting. From a purely strategic point of view, keeping your options open feels safer.

Welcome to the era of Roster Culture².

But if you want exclusivity?

Easy, let them know and set your expectations early. If they don’t want the same, you’ve got two choices—keep dating them (and others), or walk away.

Make no mistake: no one owes you exclusivity if they haven’t expressly agreed to it. (Think of it like sexual consent—assume nothing, clarify everything.)

5. If we do everything couples do… but they say they’re not ready for a relationship, what does that mean?

It means you are officially in the realm of situationships³.

Think of it like this: you’re in an acting supervisor role. The company asked you to step in temporarily while they find someone permanent. You’re not getting paid supervisor salary, there’s no timeline on when a decision will be made—but hey, maybe if you do a good job, you’ll get the position, right?

So you start going above and beyond. You take on extra tasks. You don’t want to pressure HR because you’re scared they’ll drop you entirely.

But guess what? After all that effort, they hire someone else.
And you can’t even complain—because they never actually promised you the job.

That’s a situationship. You’re doing all the things couples do, playing the role of boyfriend or girlfriend—but you’re not getting the commitment. And the longer you stay, the more it starts to feel normal. It’s a trap.

I know a girl who’s been in that space for years. He takes her to dinners with his friends, they sleep over at each other’s places three nights a week. But then the weekend comes, and since they are ”not together” he’s free to see other women.

She’s miserable—but she’s too invested to walk away.

Don’t put yourself in that position.
My suggestion?

• One week to meet face-to-face.
• Two months (max) to define the relationship.
• Until the deal is closed, seeing others is fair game.

6. Is it normal to feel bored after a few dates with someone who’s actually nice to me?

Yes, it’s normal. It usually just means you’re not connecting with them—and that’s okay. True connection is rare.

Now, if you notice a pattern—like always getting bored in healthy situations and obsessing over the toxic ones—then it might be time to talk to a therapist. No shame in that. It’s usually tied to something deeper: attachment wounds, self-worth, maybe even the belief confusing chaos and passion.

After you heal, you will no longer feel connected to broken people. Also, you don’t have to settle for the first person who treats you right.

Like I said, connection is rare, and it’s worth waiting for.

7. What if I like them… but keep wondering if there’s someone “better” out there?

There will always be someone “better” out there—more attractive, more interesting, more accomplished. That’s true no matter who you choose to commit to.

But here’s the thing: if you’re still questioning their worth in the early stages—when everything is sunshine and dopamine—that’s a sign. If they don’t feel like enough now, you are settling.

Admiration is one of the cornerstones of a real relationship. And it has to be present—even in the moments when you’re annoyed, disconnected, or not particularly in love that day. Because here’s the truth:

You never question the value of someone you genuinely admire.

8. Is my partner pulling away from me?

At some point in every relationship, your partner will pull away. Not because you did something wrong. Not because they stopped loving you. But because they’re human.

They might feel lost. Burned out. Disconnected from themselves. They might be questioning their career, their identity, their purpose. Or yes—maybe they’re questioning the relationship.

The real question is:
Is there an actual problem in the relationship, or is your fear coming from insecurity?

Only one way to find out…

When someone you love starts to drift, you don’t chase them. You don’t beg for attention. You don’t start performing just to keep their gaze.You hold steady.

You say, “I’ve noticed some distance between us. If there’s something going on, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
Then you let them come to you

From that conversation, two things can happen:

1. You identify the holes in the ship, and you fix them before it sinks.
2. You realize the problem lies elsewhere—and respect their process by giving them space.

If they are truly meant for you, the distance will disappear.

Bottom line?
You can’t control how people act.
You can only control how it affects you.

Work on yourself, listen to your gut, and don’t cross a line that can harm the concept of you.

Because when someone pulls away, the most powerful thing you can do—is stay rooted in who you are.

Final Thoughts

That was a long read, thank you for meeting me here.

Human relationships are so complex that I feel I could write about them forever.

If there’s one thing to take away, it’s this:
The way we show up in relationships is often a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
So start there.

P.S. In case you didn’t know, My Favorite Person is a free blog about self-love, depression, and relationships, where I share real-life stories, honest advice, and practical tools to help you become the best version of yourself.

I love a good challenge—so feel free to subscribe (scroll down), and drop a comment with any questions you want me to tackle next.

I can’t wait to read you!

Concepts

1. Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention or affection to keep you interested—but never enough to move things forward.
   They’ll text you occasionally, throw out compliments, like your posts, maybe even flirt—but they consistently avoid real effort, clear intentions, or emotional investment.
   The goal?
   To keep you on the hook—as a backup plan, an ego boost, or a convenient distraction—without ever committing to anything meaningful.
   It’s emotionally manipulative, often confusing, and always one-sided ↩︎
2. Roster culture is a modern dating trend where individuals keep a “lineup” or roster of romantic prospects they’re casually talking to, dating, or entertaining—without committing to just one person.
   The idea is to maintain multiple connections simultaneously, often through apps or social media, as a way to keep options open and avoid putting all emotional energy into one person too soon. ↩︎
3. A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that exists without clear labels, commitment, or expectations. You’re doing all the things couples do—talking every day, going on dates, sleeping over—but when someone asks, “What are you two?” the answer is… complicated.
   It’s not casual, but it’s not committed either.
   It’s emotionally involved, but not defined. ↩︎

Bibliography

Breadcrumbing Is the New Ghosting and It’s Savage AF. Available online: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a8643616/breadcrumbing-is-the-new-ghosting-and-its-savage-af/

Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2019).
Ghosting and breadcrumbing: Prevalence and associations with relational and psychological outcomes.
International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(24), 4929.

Islam, M. R. (2024).
Situationships, breadcrumbing, ghosting: Unpacking Gen Z dating lingo for millennials.
The Daily Star.

Whitbourne, S. K. (2021, May 10).
The terms of noncommitment: Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more.
Psychology Today.