My Favorite Person

7–10 minutes

”We all make choices, but in the end, our choices make us.”

-Ken Levine

Every day, we wake up and make thousands of choices. Some are as simple as coffee vs. tea, black pants vs. a skirt, or a night out vs. a cozy movie marathon. (Spoiler: Netflix often wins.) Then there are those decisions that hit harder—plans fall apart, circumstances challenge your judgment, and suddenly, you’re asking yourself if you should have that baby, move to a foreign country, start a new career, or, heaven forbid, marry that one narcissist who is afraid of commitment.

We live life at such a rapid pace these days that choosing has become almost reflexive. We swipe, click, and pick without pausing to consider the consequences of our actions. It’s only when the stakes are high—when a decision feels weighty—that we stop to remember the immense power that choosing truly holds.

Every choice shapes your life, so wouldn’t it be great if there were a way to make choosing… less terrifying?

Let’s talk about it—but first, let me tell you a story.

My Story: When one Door Closes, Another one Opens

My decision to move to the United States was as unplanned as trying to assemble IKEA furniture without a toolbox. I had just graduated from university and decided to visit my friend in Miami for two weeks. She’d left Cuba three months earlier, and I missed her terribly.

Once reunited, we came up with the amazing idea of booking a weekend getaway to Playa del Carmen. Mexico felt like a dream—nothing else existed, no one else mattered. The thing about dreams is that we eventually have to wake up, and our return to Miami airport was like a piercing, obnoxious alarm.

I won’t bore you with details, but let’s just say this was a perfect example of “when one door closes, another one opens.” My friend was given an ultimatum: leave within two days or stay permanently. She chose to stay. As for me, the universe was secretly conspiring in my favor, cleverly disguised as a series of unfortunate events. Of course, at that moment, all I could see was the chaos of it all.

Picture this: I was 23, broke, and utterly clueless about what this new life would look like. My job, family, and entire existence were back in Cuba. But I stayed. No farewell to my mom, no neatly packed bags, no plan—just gut instinct and the sense that this leap of faith mattered.

Was it scary? Absolutely. But in hindsight, it’s the best leap I’ve ever taken.

Why is it so Overwhelming to Make Choices Sometimes?

Here’s the thing about choices—they’re heavy. They open doors to the unknown, to change, and to consequences that can feel impossible to undo. The fear of making the wrong choice is a familiar ghost, haunting you with doubts: What if I’m wrong? What if things don’t go as planned?

And then there’s the fear of regret. Choosing one thing means closing the door on something else, and the idea of missing out—or worse, failing—can paralyze you. On top of that, choices require accountability. When things go right, you get the glory, but when they don’t, you’re left holding the bag. That’s not easy to face.

Let’s flip the script: What if there’s a method to this madness? Intrigued? Let’s dig into some practical ways to make decision-making easier.

The ABC of Decision Making (My Version)

1. Clarity is Key

Confusion is the nemesis of decision-making. It leads to hesitation, overthinking, and self-judgment for as long as you let it. The first step in making a decision is gaining clarity—clarity about your emotions, your needs, and the outcome you’re striving for. Understanding why you feel the way you do and what you hope to obtain in the long run.

There are many ways to gain clarity—talking with friends, meditating, seeking therapy, or simply writing your thoughts down. Make the goal to uncover to the roots of your hesitation and you will always know why you are heading in one direction or the other.

2. You Already Know the Answer

When you say, “I don’t know what I want,” you’re lying to yourself. You know exactly what you want, but you are afraid of what having it could imply, like losing someone or getting out of your comfort zone.

Often, what we want and what we need are as different as day and night. Take the cake example: You want the cake, but you also want a healthy lifestyle. The choice isn’t between wants—it’s between want and need. Bottom line? Prioritize your needs.

3. Follow Your Soul, Not Your Mood.

Emotions are inconsistent and rebellious; they seek immediate fulfillment, often disregarding the consequences for the future. Intuition, on the other hand, comes from a higher wisdom, yet we tend to question it because it defies reason.

Trusting what you don’t understand requires faith in your ability to handle any outcome. There is something divine within each of us—it’s simply a matter of relinquishing control and trusting the process.

4. Know Your Why

Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? One of my core principles is to invest my time and energy only in people and things that add value to my life, both in the short and long run.

I know this might sound selfish, but you can still prioritize yourself while doing selfless things. For example, I donated blood on my birthday—not to advertise it or to earn praise, but because it aligned with my personal growth. It brought me happiness to exorcise my capacity to make an impact.

5. Choose as your Best-Self

I’ve found that life becomes more fulfilling when your goal is to strive for the best version of yourself. But who is that person? What are their standards, morals, and character? When faced with hesitation, choose the path that brings you closer to that version of yourself.

Take relationships, for example. Imagine you’re tempted to cheat. Perhaps you’ve done it before, and no one found out—so why not indulge in a little fun? But pause for a moment: is cheating something your best self would do? What do you really gain besides a fleeting rush? Even if you believe your partner deserves it, remember that staying faithful isn’t just about them—it’s about being faithful to yourself. And that integrity, that alignment with your higher self, will bring you far more lasting happiness than any momentary thrill ever could.

6. Use the Breadcrumbs of Experience

As we journey through life, we accumulate experiences, each leaving behind a unique imprint—a signature sensation. These imprints act as breadcrumbs, guiding us when it’s time to make choices. For instance, imagine you’re studying for a test, feeling stressed and overwhelmed. This isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way. You recall past exams where you experienced the same anxiety, yet in the end, the test wasn’t as difficult as you feared, and you managed to pass.

The lesson? If you’ve done it once, you can do it again. Familiar feelings can help you predict outcomes, even if the circumstances are slightly different. And when faced with uncertainty, think back to the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through. If you survived that, you can face anything. Let your past victories remind you of your resilience and strength.

7. Regret Bravely

The goal is to look back one day and say, “I have no regrets.” But until then, it’s better to regret an act of bravery than to forever wonder, What if? Life’s short—go for it.

8. Sometimes, the Best Choice Isn’t on the Menu

This is a classic ‘think outside the box’ situation. When faced with a problem, it’s easy to believe there are only two possible options. But what if there’s a third choice you haven’t considered? Take a moment to really think about it. In my experience, you can often feel when something is right—there’s a sense of calmness that makes it easier to trust the decision.

Of course, life isn’t always that simple, and sometimes the elusive third option doesn’t exist. But making a habit of looking beyond the obvious or ‘ordering off the menu’ can lead to unexpected and fulfilling solutions. If what’s on display doesn’t satisfy you, don’t hesitate to explore alternatives—you might find exactly what you need.

Final Thoughts

Some might say we take choosing for granted. But it’s not just a right—it’s a privilege. A woman in the Middle Ages would have been ecstatic at the chance to earn her own money. A slave would have cherished the ability to make their freedom count.

Even with all the advice in the world, there’s no avoiding the uncertainty of life-changing decisions. That’s the point. Circumstances are meant to test you, challenge you, and help you grow.

So, embrace the challenge. Embrace the fear and the raw humanity that allows you to feel it all. Life isn’t about always choosing “right” or “wrong.” It’s about aligning your choices with your values, your needs, and the person you aspire to become. Trust your instincts, and you’ll find yourself exactly where you’re meant to be.

If you found value in this post. I invite you to subscribe to My Favorite Person Blog, for more advice, stories and tools about self-love, personal growth and relationships.

See you in the next story!

Bibliography

Cambridge Core. (n.d.). Decision-Making Styles and Their Associations with Decision-Making Competencies and Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/judgment-and-decision-making/article/decisionmaking-styles-and-their-associations-with-decisionmaking-competencies-and-mental-health/D92E904EA7CF6516FE8CC0A42F8BC44E

Harvard Scholar. (n.d.). Lerner, J. Emotion and Decision-Making. Retrieved from https://scholar.harvard.edu/sites/scholar.harvard.edu/files/jenniferlerner/files/emotion-and-decision-making.pdf?m=1450899163

Neuroscience News. (2023). Emotion, Reason, and Decision-Making. Retrieved from https://neurosciencenews.com/emotion-reason-decision-making-25803/

Psychreg. (2023). The Psychology of Decision-Making: How We Make Choices. Retrieved from https://www.psychreg.org/psychology-decision-making-make-choices/

SpringerLink. (2021). Emotion, Decision-Making, and Self-Perception in Psychology. Retrieved from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12124-021-09669-x